I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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