Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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