dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she peed on how many people?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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