she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
