put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
