He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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