I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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