Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
