Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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