I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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