so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
