I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
