I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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