he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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