sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
