a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
