I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So squirting runs in the family.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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