you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize