i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
