It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
