We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
