Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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