based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
