Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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