I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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