K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i jhust puked up my retainher.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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