I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
