i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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