my sisters under your porch take her home
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
