The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize