The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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