so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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