I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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