he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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