is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
