I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
