SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
