if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
