We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
