apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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