She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
