We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
God, I missed his penis.
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