i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
