I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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