I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize