Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
