I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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