I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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