I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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