I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
