i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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