a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
