hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
