Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
