Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
