that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
