Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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