It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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