How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
