She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There r osticjed everywhere
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
