I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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