i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
