you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
