So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
