i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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