Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
