is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
