If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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